I’ll tell you a story. It is about my past propensity to accept dependent-relationships. Until the time I finally looked into my Experience Book, and realized that most of my life I was consumed, not loved as a friend. This truth is not absolute, because I have indeed some really loving friends…but the majority makes the rules!
The essence of a dependent relationship is that it’s a parasitic relationship, where the dependent-person uses their host/reference-person like a tick uses our pets. After having sucked all the life-energy they need, they leave the host and run a transient self-standing life up to exhaustion. Then, they jump on another host/reference-person for tanking up new life-energy.
Barbie (it’s a fictional name) was a fake-blond, doe-eyed medicine student, with a sparkling life concept and a supernatural memory; she could learn the entire anatomy book in one week and pass the exam with hons! With this energy-sucker it was love at first sight. She started to dance with me at a party, despite me being accompanied by my fiancée. We were both open, original and we became close friends pretty instantly. I often even invited her to go out when I was meeting my boyfriend alone. And she was perfect, as she never attempted to lure the attention of my good-looking mate. I was too much in love with my new close friend Barbie, to realize that the friendship was becoming way too disturbing…for me! She was dating any boy who would give her a compliment. I tried to open her eyes in an attempt to prevent her from being disillusioned again and again. But, punctually, she came to me in the middle of the night, crying desperately, since also the last one had treated her badly! She had insomnia problems due to these continual love downfalls. Sometimes she took two buses just to come to my place and sleep with me…in my single bed! I was like a chamomile tea, like a nurturing mom, the source of her inner balance. But no one can be the source of our balance. That must stay and remain always inside us, in the center of our body.
Take responsibility for your HAPPINESS INSIDE!
I knew what I wanted, pretty well most of the time, while she was still on the quest for her own essence. And it was a very chaotic search. The task for me, was to point her attention to her repeated mistakes with men, and on the need to learn from experience. I was really at the end…After having warned her for the tenth time that the guy was also going to make her unhappy, she would ignore me (her right!) and drink the guy’s elixir of endless love. She would also drink a lot of alcohol to forget him, as usual. There was no way of compromising with such a wild creature… She sucked my time; for talking; for checking her clothes and hair-style before dating; for explanations about her medicine exams; for improving her relationships with her big brother, and with her father, and for calming down her mother over the phone, that nothing bad was going to happen until she was with me; for cleaning the floor after she had vomited (hang overs)! And so on & so forth. I told her I couldn’t grant her that kind of total support in the long run; I had a life myself, and also a very busy one! But she did not change her parasitic attitude. Not even a bit. What about me? She was hardly listening to my problems, if any! She diverted the conversation back on herself. I had to leave her behind me. She reacted with anger, and criticized me, instead of being thankful, at least for my B&B services!
There always comes a time, when energy-suckers realize that they have been dependent, and they don’t like it.
Not at all!
Defense mechanisms activate against the host, and the host becomes a fiend rather than a savior. Ego problems are at issue and I learnt to detect someone who has ego problems at first sight. It is my choice whether I want to start a relationship with that person; I am aware of the special effort it requires, and I am prepared to quit.
“I want to be loved, not consumed.”
Energy-suckers are to be found among business partners, colleagues, in your own family, online.
Run regular decluttering operations, to ensure that the people gravitating around you are worth your love, time and availability.
“I am myself! I alternate stress with fun and maintain a balanced give-&-take in my life-energy account.” (ECONOMICS OF THE SELF)
Energy-sucker detected? Modify, adjust and eliminate what is required, following your own criteria of personal balance, harmony and happiness.
“Happiness starts by loving yourself and life. Celebrate yourself, and celebrate your life, each and every day!”
This is an extract from “For Single Parents – A Guide on Happiness and Love“