by Rossana Condoleo DIVORCED-SINGLE

Yes, I am a Divorced Single Mom. I had waited for a long time to turn separated into divorced on my Facebook Info. Then, the day the Judge very officially, very pompously declared that my ex and I were no longer married, I couldn’t wait to let the world know about that. But what?! DIVORCED is not a status! Divorce is a sentence, a verdict, a judgment. “You are no longer married” does not mean that you are divorced! It just means that you are single again…RE-SINGLE!

OK, I do not like speculations, I do not play with words. So let’s see WHY it MUST be so…

DIVORCE is associated (at least before reading my books HAPPY DIVORCE or FOR SINGLE PARENTS!) with: pain, lack of love, cold,divorced-single quarrels, financial upheavals, changes, bad luck, “what the heck!”, “Hey…hope it never happens to me!” and so on. The word DIVORCE has no positive vibe, believe me! If you wear the word DIVORCED you may feel small, unlucky, different, poor, lonely, desperate, needy, sensitive, unhappy, angry, depressed, stressed, lost, confused, exhausted and so on and so forth. Now, think of the word…SINGLE! Ah…what a BREEZE!

SINGLE is associated with great times, fun, light, friends, dating, love, possibilities, openness, color, varied, perfume, cozy, comfortable, happy, warm, sparkling, active, creative, body, male, female, sensing, sensual, party time, and so on and so forth.

As soon as I discovered this concept, I turned my status on Facebook from DIVORCED into SINGLE! YES, sure, I did it right away!!! And what happened then? I started receiving tons of messages and pics from other singles: there is this special search on Facebook – GRAPH SEARCH, which allows you to seek for single friends of friends, or for single in your town and so on. Try it! Now, most of these pictures included a single man but not only… I saw a number of nice-desks-with-nice-armchairs-and-nice-view-on-the-bay (status-oriented men), kitchens (family oriented men), bathrooms (wellness-oriented men), bedrooms (sex-oriented men), gardens (nature-lovers) belonging to these singles who are eager to tell you “Look how nice I am, and what I can offer you!” And this is just great, and I appreciate it, immensely! But it should not be made randomly… OK some could be really interested in me, but most of the time I had the feeling that they just cut and pasted the same message thousands times. This is not my point here, anyway. Just for you to know the whole range of possibilities which opens up to you when you write SINGLE on your status line instead of SEPARATED or DIVORCED! divorced-single

I give lot of advice on online dating (in my workshops/seminars, in my books (HAPPY DIVORCE and FOR SINGLE PARENTS: A Guide on Happiness anddivorced-single Love, and online (Skype and email) to singles who are ready to open their heart and become / spot the perfect partner. BUT… frankly… as I am concerned, I am against getting to know my future partner for life online. I have my own reasons… I cannot cope with distance… no more. I want a person to be here, close to me, and invite me to go out, not to a chat room on my pc. So, in the end, in order to avoid having to politely reply and reject tons of messages from singles a day, I turned my status off. I have no status!!! I am neither divorced, not re-single. I am just me myself! For Facebook & Co. that’s a real a tragedy! In fact, it makes lot of sense for them to give you a label; they offer you status-targeted ads. As a SINGLE; they bombard you with promos about online dating agencies, body products to enhance the appearance and consistency of your goodies, and so on and so forth.

So, please, think about what means WEARING A STATUS, also in your everyday life, and chose whatever suits you at best, IF ANY! But remember, “divorced and single” is not a fair status, nor is “divorced”. Whatever you went through, NOW YOU ARE “SINGLE”! divorced single


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