DEPENDENT RELATIONSHIPS AKA, ENERGY SUCKERS
I will tell you a story. It is about my past propensity towards accepting ‘dependent relationships’. Until the time when I finally looked into my own Experience Book, and realized that for most of my life I was being consumed, not loved as a friend. This truth is not absolute, because I do indeed have some really loving friends…but the majority creates the rule!
The essence of a dependent relationship is that it is parasitic in nature; where the dependent person uses their host like a tick uses an animal. After sucking all the life energy they require, they leave the host and run a transient self-standing life up until they reach exhaustion. Then, they jump onto another host for refilling with fresh life-energy.
Barbie (which is a fictional name) was a fake-blond, doe-eyed medical student, with a sparkling life concept and a supernatural memory; she could learn the entire anatomy book in one week and pass the exam with honours! With this energy-sucker, it was love at first sight. She started to dance with me at a party, despite the fact that I was accompanied by my fiancée. We were both open, original and we became close friends almost instantly. I often invited her to go out, even when I was meeting my boyfriend alone. And she was perfect; she never attempted to lure the attention of my good looking mate away from me.
I was too much in love with my new close friend Barbie, to realize that the friendship was becoming disturbing… for me! She was dating any boy who would offer her a compliment. I tried to open her eyes to this situation, in an attempt to prevent her from being disillusioned over and over again. But, punctually and without fail, she came to me in the middle of the night, crying desperately, because each one had treated her so badly! She suffered insomnia issues, due to these continually poor relationship choices.
Sometimes she caught two buses, just to come to my place and sleep with me… in my single bed! For Barbie, I was the equivalent of a soothing cup of chamomile tea, a nurturing mother, and in Barbie’s mind, the source of her inner balance. But no one can be the source of our own personal balance. That must always stay and remain inside us, in the centre of our own body.
Take responsibility for your inner happiness!
I knew what I wanted, pretty well most of the time, while Barbie was still on the quest for her own essence. And in her situation, it was a very chaotic search. The task for me, was to point her attention towards her repeated mistakes with men, and try to get her to focus on the need to learn from experience.
I was really at the end of my tether with Barbie… After warning her for what was probably the tenth (or twentieth) time that the ‘new’ guy was going to make her unhappy, she would ignore me (her right!) and soak up the guy’s promise of endless love.
When it all fell apart, she would also drink a lot of alcohol to forget him, as usual. There was no way of compromising with such a wild creature… she sucked away my time; for talking; for checking her clothes and hairstyle before dating; for explanations about her medical exams; for improving her relationships with her big brother and her father; and for calming her mother over the phone, assuring her nothing bad was going to happen while Barbie was with me; for cleaning the floor after she’d vomited (hangovers)! And so on and so forth. I told her I couldn’t guarantee her that level of total support in the long run; I had a life of my own, which was also a very busy one! But she didn’t change her parasitic attitude. Not even a little bit.
And what about me? She hardly listened to my own problems, if at all! She diverted the conversation back to herself at every opportunity.
Realizing that this relationship was not healthy, that Barbie was, in fact, an energy-sucker, I had to leave her behind me. She reacted with anger, and criticized me. I did think she could at least be thankful for my Bed and Breakfast services!
There always comes a time when energy-suckers come to the realization that they’ve been dependent – and they don’t like it.
Not at all!
The energy-suckers defence mechanisms activate against their host, and the host becomes a fiend, rather than a saviour. Ego problems are at the basis of this issue and I have learned, through experience, to detect someone who has ego problems at first sight. It is my choice then, whether I want to start a relationship with that person; I am aware of the special effort it requires, and I am prepared to quit if their neediness overwhelms me.
Declare to yourself…
“I want to be loved – not consumed.”
Energy-suckers are found everywhere – among business partners, colleagues, in your own family, and online.
Practice regular decluttering operations, to ensure that the people gravitating around you are worth your love, time and availability.
Later on, I will give you a simple, amusing trick you can use, to detect the best people to accept into your life – to preserve and accrue even more happiness.
Single parents have to economize their mental and emotional resources, to optimize their results on the job and in the family.
We are required to multitask in absence of an important energy source: a partner for life and a heat for the nights! The heat of a body we trust and love, not one belonging to a casual encounter, is an important source of self-confidence and inner stability. We have to compensate for this lack with extra life energy of our own.
“I am myself! I alternate stress with fun and maintain a balanced, give-and-take in my life-energy account.” This is ‘The Economics of Self’ according to Rossana Condoleo
Have you detected an energy-sucker in your life? Modify, adjust and eliminate what is required, following your own criteria for personal balance, harmony and happiness.
Happiness starts by loving yourself and life. Celebrate yourself, and celebrate your life, each and every single day!